believing with conviction
I can’t seem to get this thought out of my head: that maybe everything I want for my life lies just on the other side of belief. That maybe I need to believe more often and with greater conviction - a conviction so great that it even verges on knowing. It’s something I feel in my body too — that there is power in this mindset. I’m beginning to feel so deeply that not only is it totally okay to believe even in the most outrageous of your desires, but that our spirit needs it. How often do you let your mind succumb to the things that other people or society tell you are unlikely or unreachable? But how good does it feel when you turn against that? These are things I’m starting to notice. I’m also starting to see that my beliefs are not just that, but they are also dreams for my life - some people may call them goals - but whatever they are I’m starting to allow myself to color in the picture, add layers to the paint, and let it all come into full focus.
It’s not all easy though. I’m also finding that as I try to open myself up and allow myself to have faith in my dreams, there’s a voice in my head trying to convince me that those big ambitions and wants are too great for me. Maybe they’re fit for other people, but not me. And it doesn’t seem to matter what it is - whether something like buying a beautiful home for myself, finding that perfect partner or starting a new venture, somehow the person who lives inside my head thinks those things are out of my league. What is that??
Surely that voice is rooted in something I’ve been carrying around for much of my life. Hell, even this realization about dreams may seem like an old hat for some. But I don’t think I was really ever taught what it was to have dreams for one’s own life. To embrace them and chase after them. Truthfully, I couldn’t really tell you what I would’ve chased if I had been encouraged to do so. Possibly because predilections or interests were often seen as just whims and nothing more. I don’t know, maybe I grew up in a household of realists (of which I am confidently not) who were always pulling me down for fear I’d fly too close to the sun. Perhaps this is a familiar tale for some of you — that you were brought up to focus on the “safe” thing, the predictable path and career — that those things are what made for a happy life and that dreams were more like daydreams and had no place in ‘real’ life. I hold no judgement for my parents or our social circle, for it seems to me that a lot of that mindset carries layers of generational trauma and beliefs, passed down. But it is something to take note of, because that is really the thing that has no place in any of our lives.
What does any of this have to do with believing? Well, it’s the hurdle to get over in order to fully embrace the mindset of believing so fiercely that you know. I’ve been employing a couple tools that have been particularly useful. The first is one that I learned from the acclaimed Gabby Bernstein — the choose again method. It’s about as easy as it sounds — the most difficult part is noticing when you’re having the unproductive thought and to stop it. But when you do notice, thank the thought for showing you what you don’t want and choose again the thing that you do. This is where I like to take a breath, close my eyes and allow the feeling of the faith to take root in my body. Ram Dass teaches us that “…faith is in the heart, [that it] lives within you”; I think it’s so important to ground ourselves in the positive feelings that accompany thoughts of living out our dreams because by doing so, we teach ourselves to follow those feelings and choose more of what mimics that. The second is to journal exactly everything I’m dreaming of for my life — whether as a list or stream of consciousness free-write, I find it helpful to put everything down on paper and let it live there. Even better if you’re able to do this before or after a meditation. Once I’ve gotten everything out, I read back over the entry a couple times and allow it to permeate my being.
No matter how big or small-feeling your dreams are, this is your reminder to just have faith. To allow yourself to believe that your dreams can become your reality. To seek to understand that voice of doubt and fear and judgement, and quiet it, turning the negative what ifs into positive ones. Pour yourself into believing and know that you are capable and deserving. Ground yourself into the feelings that embodying your dreams gives you and follow more of that. There is so much power in believing and, in the end, that power resides within you.
